Christmas...Head Knowledge or Heart Knowledge.

Christmas is in two days!!  Yesterday at church we celebrated and sang about the birth of Christ. The Christmas tree is up, poinsettias are everywhere.  We love Christmas!! It is always a wonderful time of the year!  And the sermon yesterday was so good, as always!  This particular note from the sermon, in quotes,struck me as a truth that so many people miss:  "Not just to believe in Him but to receive Him.True belief is a heart experience not just a knowledge or head experience.  His truth must become personal." 

That simple quote really set me to thining, though I've heard it often before and know the truth of it.  But, it impressed me more yesterday for some reason.
The majority of Americans believe there's a God and Jesus is his son so they call themselves Christians.  I did.  But, there's more to being a true Christian than that..I mean, check it out in the Bible, if you don't believe it...

it has to be a personal, heart experience.  It's not just 'knowing'.  When it's a heart experience, you will acknowledge Jesus as Lord.  What does that word, 'Lord', mean? "someone having power, authority, or influence; a master or ruler."  If he's Lord of your life, you let him be your ruler.  You want to know his plan for you so you can follow it.  Just knowing that he's the ruler isn't enough.  It's turning from your old way of doing things and deciding to go his way.  OH, now that's the part nobody likes!  I can almost hear people say, 'What?!"  "God does not force himself on anyone! He is kind and loving and loves you no matter what!" 

And, you know what?  That's TRUE!  He doesn't force himself on you, he's a gentleman.  He IS kind and loving and loves you no matter what.  And BECAUSE of that great love(who can look at our sin and still love us besides him?) you love him! and you want to follow him.  Jesus told his disciples to leave everything and follow him.  From an earthly viewpoint, they gave up their jobs, their families, their independence...and many of them ended up being killed for that!  That doesn't seems like a 'God thing' to do, does it?  But, it was and it is.

Some people still die for following Jesus or get put in prison or get fired from their jobs, ostracized.  I met a young woman in another country who was so grief stricken because her family and village threw stones at her and chased her out of town with nothing but the clothes on her back.  How many people are willing to do that?  To leave everything they have known and loved, to follow Jesus?   He loved us enough to leave beautiful Heaven so He could be cruelly beaten and die, taking away our sins. Now THAT'S a fanatical love!  Can we ignore a love like that?  Will people call US fanatics if we talk about Jesus like I just did?  Yes.  Who cares?!  This life is short, eternity is forever.  Goodness our priorities are wrong. We care what people think, but not what God thinks?

So, then the real question for each of us to ask ourselves and answer ourselves is:  Am I a Christian? 
The Bible said each man must 'work out' his own salvation with fear and trembling...meaning:  it's each person's responsibility to accept the Lord Jesus himself/herself no matter what mama and daddy, grandma and them believe.  It's between you and God.  Then to go into all the world and preach(teach) this same good news.  That part isn't an option, but a command from God.

Something for you to think about today as you prepare to celebrate the birth of Christ, the Son of God, the Lord Jesus.  Be blessed!   Merry Christmas!!

Feeling the Love

This is one of those moments when my heart is filled with so much love for my kids.  I just wish I could reach out to them all and hug them to my heart and make them feel and know how much they mean to me.  This is not a once in a while feeling. Of course I love them continually, hugely without fail.  But, there are moments when I feel my heart will explode if I don't hear from them or see them!! Next to God saving me, they are the hugest blessings of my life.  They are my pride and joy.  Lord, I love each one of them so much.

Father, continually put a hedge of protection around each of my children and grandchildren.  Lord, let no harm come ot them.  Keep the evil one and his plans away from my family.  May Truth and Wisdom be their constant companions.  May their love for You, Lord God, multiply each day and may they serve You with all of their heart.  Father, don't let the teachings of this new world view, the "'anything goes'/ 'there is no Hell'/ 'God doesn't judge people' /'it doesn't matter which god you believe in, all roads lead to Heaven'" philosophies of this world get into their minds, their belief systems.  Father show them that You are the one true God, You alone make the rules and that You do judge.  But, also, Father, show them that You have made a way for EVERYONE, ANYONE to enter Heaven IF they choose to do so.  Not by their own good works, which can never be enough, but by the FREE, COMPLETED, PAYMENT ON THE CROSS BY JESUS.

Father, may these verses be ever present in their hearts :  John 3:16,17. For God so loved the world that He gave HIs only begotten Son, that WHOSOEVER BELIEVETH ON HIM SHOULD NOT PERISH(GO TO HELL), but have everlasting life.  For God sent not His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that THE WORLD THROUGH HIM MIGHT BE SAVED.

Lord, You know where each of our children is tonight and what they're doing.  So even now, Lord Jesus, hug them all for me...and for You. :)  Please help them feel the tremendous, unconditional, extreme love You have for each of us.  Thank You for taking such good care of each of them and of us.  Thank You so much for loving us.  I can hardly wait to see You.  Soon and very soon this old world will be past and we will see You face to face.  Lord, come quickly.

Ms. Stevie

One of my earliest memories is of Miss Stevie and her daughter, Totsy.   Mama worked, as I said in the last post, at Jack's Cookie Company.  I'm the youngest of four children....6, 7, and 10 years younger than my siblings.  So, when Mama was at work and the other kids were in school, I went to Ms. Stevie's duplex in 'The Village'.  Ms. Stevie was a very 'fluffy' woman with gray hair who lived two rows down from us.  Her daughter, Totsy, lived with her.  Totsy had CP, Cerebral Palsy.  She was a grown woman, tall and thin, with dark hair.  She couldn't speak clearly but I learned to understand her although many people couldn't.  Totsy wasn't allowed to pick me up because everyone was afraid she would drop me.  But, she loved me and would try from time to time, always getting a scolding from her mama.

Ms. Stevie loved me and spoiled me rotten.  I guess I started staying with her when I was about 3 years old until I went to first grade when I was five.  There was no Kindergarten back in the day, not in our town anyway.  Mama would drop me off at Ms. Stevie's before catching the bus.  I was a real mama's girl and hated to be away from her, but Ms. Stevie had a way of getting me to let go of Mama's skirt tails and dry my tears.  She said, "Sweetie, what do you want Ms. Stevie to make for you today?  Do you want me to make a chocolate cake or a pie?"  :)  Oh yeah.  That's all it took.  Ms. Stevie loved to bake and I loved to eat, so it was a match made in Heaven.  She fed me well. Fortunately, and amazingly, I didn't gain weight back then.  I could eat whatever I wanted and not be fat!  Oh, to be able to do that now!

Another thing Ms. Stevie liked to do was dip snuff.  Oh, gross.  Next to her big soft chair, she had a coffee can...a big, two pound empty coffee can...that she would spit her dip into.  And, she wouldn't get rid of it until it was full. Blech!  Makes my stomach turn thinking about it!  But, that was the only bad habit I knew Ms. Stevie to have and she more than made up for it with her baking and her loving care of me.

Some people would say Ms. Stevie was my second mama.  But, I never thought of her that way.  Ms. Stevie was simply a warm, soft, sweet, caring lady who loved me and brings a smile to my face every time I think of her.

False pride

What do you think of this quote:
"The myth of independence is not the mark of self-sufficiency, but the mark of pride."

When I read that, it plays havoc with my mind and I'll tell you why.  I was raised by my mother after she left my father when I was three years old.  There were four of us kids and I was the youngest.  I don't remember my father's drunkeness or his cruelly beating my mother.  My siblings do/did.  They were 6, 7, and 10 years older than I.  From what I've heard it was horrific.  A story that, or course, sticks in MY mind is that one time my father was mad at my mother again for something or other and used my life to threaten her.  I was a baby and he held me, saying he was going to throw me against the wall.  No matter how my mother begged, he wouldn't put me down.  But, my sister Judy begged him to give me to her and he finally acquiesced.  Judy really saved my life.  I tell you that to show you the kind of abuse and torment my mother endured for 14 years.

Evidently, because of that torment my mother became fiercely independent.  I mean fiercely!  She wouldn't take anything from anybody.  She worked at Jack's Cookie Company in Baton Rouge, standing on her feet all day long, packing cookies.  ~~~a side track for a moment.  My mother always smelled like cookies!  When she stepped off the bus after work, the neighborhood kids would follow her home. :)  She gave the best cookie hugs!  A few times, I was able to visit her at work and being a cute little blonde haired blue eyed girl at the time, I was given special treatment.  I walked through the cookie company and saw vats of icing taller than me! It smelled so good and cookies were everywhere!  I'd watch the ladies at the conveyer belts, picking up long rows of cookies and placing them in boxes.  After the tour I was taken to the store in front and told that I could pick out whichever pack of the broken cookies I wanted. :)  Now THAT was the BEST gift for this little girl!  And, across the street from the cookie company was a coffee roasting company! When you walked down the street you smelled fresh roasted coffee and freshly baked cookies.  Oh my!  So that's where my love for both started~~~okay back to Mama.

As I said, Mama worked at the cookie company all day long and part of the year she would also work at the J.C. Penney's store to earn Christmas money.  I remember Mama saying that she earned $32/week.  That was for five of us.  Can you imagine??  The cost of living was much lower at the time, but $32 was still not much.  Our rent was subsidized by the government which helped.  We ate a lot of red beans and rice.  Lots.  And, I loved it, especialy with ketchup.  Spam and bologna were also staples.  I did not feel poor although obviously we were.  Mama was a great seamstress and she made a lot of our clothes.  Mama worked and worked and worked.  I don't remember her complaining,come to think of it.  I do remember her being tired.

But, no matter how tired Mama was, she REFUSED to accept charity!  She wouldn't think of it!!  I remember especially one Christmas when the Salvation Army or some other group brought a box of toys to our house...used toys, some were broken.  The neighborhood, or Village as we called it, kids followed the folks to our house as they carried this big box and all congregated at our duplex door.  We kids scavenged through the box, 'oohing' and 'ahhing' over the toys.  We were so excited!  But then Mama came home.   I remember the fiery indignation with which she spoke when seeing that box of charity toys.  Oh my goodness!! You would have thought that they slapped us in the face!  She said that we did NOT accept charity and she WOULD NOT have it!  She called the Salvation Army and told them to come get that box immediately!  And, they did.  My Mama would provide for us and didn't need their help, thank you very much!   Whew!  That took me by surprise.  I don't remember how the others felt, but I sure remember how I felt!  I felt upset and yet proud.  Proud.  Proud that my mother was so proud.

She taught us to never expect or even desire anyone to give us anything, but to do it ourselves!  Mama passed that pride right down to us four kids and we never forgot it.  We are..or were (two of us have passed away) extremely proud people.

However, I have learned some things about pride in all of these years.  I've learned that 'pride goes before the fall'.  I've learned that pride is something that God abhors.  We shouldn't be so proud that we think we don't need anyone, especially God.  Mama came to learn that she needed God.  We both accepted Christ on the same day at the same time.  She never, however, was comfortable with needing people.  She was fiercely independent and it was difficult to see her become a bit dependent when she developed dementia.  I know that it was hard for her to live away from home, not be able to drive, and depend on people to bring her what she wanted.  I tried to make it as easy as possible and give her some say in what happened, bring her shopping from time to time.  But, it was difficult.

Being proud....what's the good and what's the bad?  False pride is thinking you know it all and have it all and don't need anybody.  However, pride in oneself is necessary to a degree, don't you think?  People might say about a person, "He needs to take more pride in himself!"  Meaning, he has bad hygeine or doesn't dress appropriately, whatever.  And, yes, people do need to take care of themselves, to honor the person God created them to be.  Foolish pride is thinking you're 'all that and a bag o'chips'.  Or thinking you are self-sufficient...don't need anybody.

I'd say my Mama had a bit of both foolish pride and pride in herself.  I think we all do.  The key is not to let ourselves think that we have control over everything in life.  We NEED God.  Without Him we don't even have breath!! And, truth is, we need people.  We need love, comfort, fellowship, encouragement, exhortation, help.  We can get those things from God and people...but we really sometimes have to ask for them.  Foolish pride would stop one from asking for any kind of help.  Humility is a requirement.  Who likes being humble?  Well, Jesus who was King became servant.  That's humble.

God help us realize that we are only human, not superhuman.  As humbling as it is sometimes we need people.  Help us be kind to one another and help each other even before being asked to help.  And, if someone offers to help, make us willing to accept that as a gift from You.

Teach us about pride, Lord.  Only You speak complete truth, so let us hear it.  Please.

It's Constitution Day!

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Prayer request

Heavy on my heart tonight is someone who's struggling, a whole family who's struggling.  I met this lady through a friend.  She's struggling with her teenaged daughter who has BPD, Borderline Personality Disorder.  The 17 year old wrote this while in one of her  'flare ups', for lack of a better word.  There are better words, but I don't know them.  This dear mother is so concerned about her child and reading the words breaks my heart, too. Most people can't put into words what they're experiencing, but this young girl did it quite well, I think.   I'll post it here, I told the mom I wouldn't use their names.  I wonder, when you read it, can you feel her pain?  If you know anyone struggling like this girl, please pray for him/her. Mental illness has a whole stupid stigma attached to it.  Physical illness...fine.  Mental illness...bad.  What kind of double standard is that?  Mental illness can be treated, it takes therapy, it takes time, it takes medication, it takes God.  Just like physical illnesses.  Don't look down on people who have a mental illness.  Help them.  Love them just like you would someone with cancer.  Please?
Her words:

So...the darkness pulls at me. And it pulls me up, but down. I guess they'd call it mental illness. But the truth is its my world. Maybe it will change when I go. But for now its what circles me. And entrances me. The sick hold it has on me writhes in me and changes me. I'm everchanging with the flow of life. Not flow. Rather, a twisting, speeding, rough and confusing ride. I hope but, sometimes I don't. I like it...it's my sick way. I feel so deeply and how can one feel deeply without the dark pulling at you pushing you under til your near dead...or pulling you up to ecstasy. Circling like gray black gravity. So i dream in black and white. And what does it matter. It is beautiful. It is light in a tunnel to feel so strongly and sleep so soundly. I am afraid but the fear numbs under its glowing pulse. The glowing pulsing dark. I don't know if this is how i am or if its this moment. Every minute feels like eternity...Ever lasting pain. But i cut; the pain is mine. I doubt anyone could ever know the truth. The hold it has on me. My friendly dope; my friendly blackness. I sweetly lay with it at night. I sweetly push it away when is clings to me. Thats the pills job. To push and pull me like my hard deep meanings and tears. I tumble and sweat. Hopefully I smile beyond this. But I like the aloneness and hate the aloneness of this back breaking burden. Kills me softly and interminably. I truly am so volatile. My head in so many worlds its inconcievable. My head in so many mentalities i should say. I get scared wondering who I will be in the next moment. What I will believe when I change into her or her or her. Help I try to say but my darkness dries the words from my mouth with a scorching heat.

Good grief! Bad grief!

It's not just death that people grieve, it's divorce, betrayal, absentee father or mother, broken relationships, lost hope, lost jobs, lost homes, friends moving away.   We humans have a lot to deal with.  I'm thankful, so thankful that God doesn't leave us no matter what we do or say!!!  Thank you God!

 Everybody goes through grief in their own way.  You can't judge someone because you think their grief is taking too long or you think they didn't grieve enough.  It's an individual thing and it comes in stages...and it comes in surprising moments of time when you don't expect it.

Can you think of what you've lost in the past year, two years, five years, ten years?  Sure, we all can.  We won't all deal with that loss in the same way.  Some of us push it way down and try to never think of it again, some of us can just chalk it up to life and get on with it!, some of us dwell on it and are depressed, some of us turn inward and shut people out so that we're not hurt again, and sometimes we do all of those things in stages.  At least that's my observation.

It's uncomfortable for a lot of people, especially men(IMHO), to talk about suffering and sadness or to see someone cry.  So a lot of times when we bare our souls or shed our tears and tell our stories, people back off.  They either don't understand because it's not something they've experienced or they don't know what to say.  Then you can feel more isolated. You can become bitter.

I've watched some of my friends with their losses and grief.  Some close and some from afar.  We're all so different.  A former co-worker lost her husband this year in an accident.  I see her from afar and I see her carrying on with life and work with such strength!! She's a Christian.  She's a strong woman!  I know she's sad and finding her way through the newness of her situation, but she shows such resolve to get on with things and live!  I admire that.

A friend lost her father not long ago, I saw her close up.  I saw her tears, cried with her, held her, loved her through it.  It's been hard for her, but she has carried on.  I see a little bit of bitterness and anger, but I also see wounds and hurt.  She'll be okay, she came from good stock.  I admire her for doing the very best she can in a tough situation.

I've watched a mother who lost her daughter this year and another who lost her young son.  Another precious missionary couple lost their son several years ago, and still another lost their young daughter!  I can't comprehend it!! I can't fathom what they're dealing with and God forgive me, I pray I never do!!  How can anyone deal with that?!  The crushing pain, the horrible emptiness, the guilt that seems to come with parenthood!  I've watched the complete agony in their sobs, in their eyes.  Oh, Lord. Those moms and dads I mentioned are carrying on through their continued grief.  They've found the strength to keep going and to do it with grace and to do it well.  I admire them so much.

I've watched parents whose child has had a serious, near death experience this year.  I've watched their love and faith, I've seen peace in their eyes even when it's mixed with concern.  I've seen them hold steady in the face of staggering physical and emotional trauma to their child.  I admire them.


God Himself knows our pain.  He knew the pain that He, in the form of Christ, would suffer, the sin He would carry for us...but also that He would rise again. And, I'm so thankful He did!  God knows that each of us will rise again one way or another.  {It must be agonizing for Him to know that some will choose to be separated from Him forever} He welcomes His children home and wants to encourage us that they are okay! He has them now.  He feels our pain no matter to what our grief is due, death, lonliness, separation, whatever!  He feels the pain of those mothers and fathers who lose a child. He counts our tears, dries our eyes, has His hand gently at our back encouraging us along.  We can run to Him and cry.  Sometimes we long for a human to understand!!! To tell us what to do!! To guide us to the next step! Come on! HELP ME!   But, the best they can do, the very best they can do is cry with us, love us, pray for us, encourage us.  They can't fix it, they can't carry us through it, but God can.

As I continue in this year of grief after the loss of my last sister, I have moments like everyone else.  I'm not as strong as some, yet stronger than others I suppose.  But, I'm hanging on, doing my best and when I can pray.....there are sometimes I can't, but God knows what my heart cries for....I find peace.  It can be easy to get lost in the quagmire of grief and push everyone away because you don't want to be left again.  Strange paradox, that. An unhealthy one.

So, let's pray for each other.  Pray for those who are going through their grief now and for those who will go through grief in the future, because all humans face it one way or another.  Pray that we become good examples of the love and strength of God to those who have no hope of seeing their loved ones in the future.  Pray that we remember that we have hope and all is not lost!  Pray that we see the good in every day and enjoy the people who are still here.  Pray that we forgive each other when we fail and love each other in our weaknesses.  Let's be kind to each other and when we mess up and act in an unkind way, let's ask forgiveness and give forgiveness and get on with life!

Live, love, breathe, keep going, laugh, carry on.  Live long and prosper. :)
Be blessed!