Christmas...Head Knowledge or Heart Knowledge.

Christmas is in two days!!  Yesterday at church we celebrated and sang about the birth of Christ. The Christmas tree is up, poinsettias are everywhere.  We love Christmas!! It is always a wonderful time of the year!  And the sermon yesterday was so good, as always!  This particular note from the sermon, in quotes,struck me as a truth that so many people miss:  "Not just to believe in Him but to receive Him.True belief is a heart experience not just a knowledge or head experience.  His truth must become personal." 

That simple quote really set me to thining, though I've heard it often before and know the truth of it.  But, it impressed me more yesterday for some reason.
The majority of Americans believe there's a God and Jesus is his son so they call themselves Christians.  I did.  But, there's more to being a true Christian than that..I mean, check it out in the Bible, if you don't believe it...

it has to be a personal, heart experience.  It's not just 'knowing'.  When it's a heart experience, you will acknowledge Jesus as Lord.  What does that word, 'Lord', mean? "someone having power, authority, or influence; a master or ruler."  If he's Lord of your life, you let him be your ruler.  You want to know his plan for you so you can follow it.  Just knowing that he's the ruler isn't enough.  It's turning from your old way of doing things and deciding to go his way.  OH, now that's the part nobody likes!  I can almost hear people say, 'What?!"  "God does not force himself on anyone! He is kind and loving and loves you no matter what!" 

And, you know what?  That's TRUE!  He doesn't force himself on you, he's a gentleman.  He IS kind and loving and loves you no matter what.  And BECAUSE of that great love(who can look at our sin and still love us besides him?) you love him! and you want to follow him.  Jesus told his disciples to leave everything and follow him.  From an earthly viewpoint, they gave up their jobs, their families, their independence...and many of them ended up being killed for that!  That doesn't seems like a 'God thing' to do, does it?  But, it was and it is.

Some people still die for following Jesus or get put in prison or get fired from their jobs, ostracized.  I met a young woman in another country who was so grief stricken because her family and village threw stones at her and chased her out of town with nothing but the clothes on her back.  How many people are willing to do that?  To leave everything they have known and loved, to follow Jesus?   He loved us enough to leave beautiful Heaven so He could be cruelly beaten and die, taking away our sins. Now THAT'S a fanatical love!  Can we ignore a love like that?  Will people call US fanatics if we talk about Jesus like I just did?  Yes.  Who cares?!  This life is short, eternity is forever.  Goodness our priorities are wrong. We care what people think, but not what God thinks?

So, then the real question for each of us to ask ourselves and answer ourselves is:  Am I a Christian? 
The Bible said each man must 'work out' his own salvation with fear and trembling...meaning:  it's each person's responsibility to accept the Lord Jesus himself/herself no matter what mama and daddy, grandma and them believe.  It's between you and God.  Then to go into all the world and preach(teach) this same good news.  That part isn't an option, but a command from God.

Something for you to think about today as you prepare to celebrate the birth of Christ, the Son of God, the Lord Jesus.  Be blessed!   Merry Christmas!!

Feeling the Love

This is one of those moments when my heart is filled with so much love for my kids.  I just wish I could reach out to them all and hug them to my heart and make them feel and know how much they mean to me.  This is not a once in a while feeling. Of course I love them continually, hugely without fail.  But, there are moments when I feel my heart will explode if I don't hear from them or see them!! Next to God saving me, they are the hugest blessings of my life.  They are my pride and joy.  Lord, I love each one of them so much.

Father, continually put a hedge of protection around each of my children and grandchildren.  Lord, let no harm come ot them.  Keep the evil one and his plans away from my family.  May Truth and Wisdom be their constant companions.  May their love for You, Lord God, multiply each day and may they serve You with all of their heart.  Father, don't let the teachings of this new world view, the "'anything goes'/ 'there is no Hell'/ 'God doesn't judge people' /'it doesn't matter which god you believe in, all roads lead to Heaven'" philosophies of this world get into their minds, their belief systems.  Father show them that You are the one true God, You alone make the rules and that You do judge.  But, also, Father, show them that You have made a way for EVERYONE, ANYONE to enter Heaven IF they choose to do so.  Not by their own good works, which can never be enough, but by the FREE, COMPLETED, PAYMENT ON THE CROSS BY JESUS.

Father, may these verses be ever present in their hearts :  John 3:16,17. For God so loved the world that He gave HIs only begotten Son, that WHOSOEVER BELIEVETH ON HIM SHOULD NOT PERISH(GO TO HELL), but have everlasting life.  For God sent not His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that THE WORLD THROUGH HIM MIGHT BE SAVED.

Lord, You know where each of our children is tonight and what they're doing.  So even now, Lord Jesus, hug them all for me...and for You. :)  Please help them feel the tremendous, unconditional, extreme love You have for each of us.  Thank You for taking such good care of each of them and of us.  Thank You so much for loving us.  I can hardly wait to see You.  Soon and very soon this old world will be past and we will see You face to face.  Lord, come quickly.

Ms. Stevie

One of my earliest memories is of Miss Stevie and her daughter, Totsy.   Mama worked, as I said in the last post, at Jack's Cookie Company.  I'm the youngest of four children....6, 7, and 10 years younger than my siblings.  So, when Mama was at work and the other kids were in school, I went to Ms. Stevie's duplex in 'The Village'.  Ms. Stevie was a very 'fluffy' woman with gray hair who lived two rows down from us.  Her daughter, Totsy, lived with her.  Totsy had CP, Cerebral Palsy.  She was a grown woman, tall and thin, with dark hair.  She couldn't speak clearly but I learned to understand her although many people couldn't.  Totsy wasn't allowed to pick me up because everyone was afraid she would drop me.  But, she loved me and would try from time to time, always getting a scolding from her mama.

Ms. Stevie loved me and spoiled me rotten.  I guess I started staying with her when I was about 3 years old until I went to first grade when I was five.  There was no Kindergarten back in the day, not in our town anyway.  Mama would drop me off at Ms. Stevie's before catching the bus.  I was a real mama's girl and hated to be away from her, but Ms. Stevie had a way of getting me to let go of Mama's skirt tails and dry my tears.  She said, "Sweetie, what do you want Ms. Stevie to make for you today?  Do you want me to make a chocolate cake or a pie?"  :)  Oh yeah.  That's all it took.  Ms. Stevie loved to bake and I loved to eat, so it was a match made in Heaven.  She fed me well. Fortunately, and amazingly, I didn't gain weight back then.  I could eat whatever I wanted and not be fat!  Oh, to be able to do that now!

Another thing Ms. Stevie liked to do was dip snuff.  Oh, gross.  Next to her big soft chair, she had a coffee can...a big, two pound empty coffee can...that she would spit her dip into.  And, she wouldn't get rid of it until it was full. Blech!  Makes my stomach turn thinking about it!  But, that was the only bad habit I knew Ms. Stevie to have and she more than made up for it with her baking and her loving care of me.

Some people would say Ms. Stevie was my second mama.  But, I never thought of her that way.  Ms. Stevie was simply a warm, soft, sweet, caring lady who loved me and brings a smile to my face every time I think of her.

False pride

What do you think of this quote:
"The myth of independence is not the mark of self-sufficiency, but the mark of pride."

When I read that, it plays havoc with my mind and I'll tell you why.  I was raised by my mother after she left my father when I was three years old.  There were four of us kids and I was the youngest.  I don't remember my father's drunkeness or his cruelly beating my mother.  My siblings do/did.  They were 6, 7, and 10 years older than I.  From what I've heard it was horrific.  A story that, or course, sticks in MY mind is that one time my father was mad at my mother again for something or other and used my life to threaten her.  I was a baby and he held me, saying he was going to throw me against the wall.  No matter how my mother begged, he wouldn't put me down.  But, my sister Judy begged him to give me to her and he finally acquiesced.  Judy really saved my life.  I tell you that to show you the kind of abuse and torment my mother endured for 14 years.

Evidently, because of that torment my mother became fiercely independent.  I mean fiercely!  She wouldn't take anything from anybody.  She worked at Jack's Cookie Company in Baton Rouge, standing on her feet all day long, packing cookies.  ~~~a side track for a moment.  My mother always smelled like cookies!  When she stepped off the bus after work, the neighborhood kids would follow her home. :)  She gave the best cookie hugs!  A few times, I was able to visit her at work and being a cute little blonde haired blue eyed girl at the time, I was given special treatment.  I walked through the cookie company and saw vats of icing taller than me! It smelled so good and cookies were everywhere!  I'd watch the ladies at the conveyer belts, picking up long rows of cookies and placing them in boxes.  After the tour I was taken to the store in front and told that I could pick out whichever pack of the broken cookies I wanted. :)  Now THAT was the BEST gift for this little girl!  And, across the street from the cookie company was a coffee roasting company! When you walked down the street you smelled fresh roasted coffee and freshly baked cookies.  Oh my!  So that's where my love for both started~~~okay back to Mama.

As I said, Mama worked at the cookie company all day long and part of the year she would also work at the J.C. Penney's store to earn Christmas money.  I remember Mama saying that she earned $32/week.  That was for five of us.  Can you imagine??  The cost of living was much lower at the time, but $32 was still not much.  Our rent was subsidized by the government which helped.  We ate a lot of red beans and rice.  Lots.  And, I loved it, especialy with ketchup.  Spam and bologna were also staples.  I did not feel poor although obviously we were.  Mama was a great seamstress and she made a lot of our clothes.  Mama worked and worked and worked.  I don't remember her complaining,come to think of it.  I do remember her being tired.

But, no matter how tired Mama was, she REFUSED to accept charity!  She wouldn't think of it!!  I remember especially one Christmas when the Salvation Army or some other group brought a box of toys to our house...used toys, some were broken.  The neighborhood, or Village as we called it, kids followed the folks to our house as they carried this big box and all congregated at our duplex door.  We kids scavenged through the box, 'oohing' and 'ahhing' over the toys.  We were so excited!  But then Mama came home.   I remember the fiery indignation with which she spoke when seeing that box of charity toys.  Oh my goodness!! You would have thought that they slapped us in the face!  She said that we did NOT accept charity and she WOULD NOT have it!  She called the Salvation Army and told them to come get that box immediately!  And, they did.  My Mama would provide for us and didn't need their help, thank you very much!   Whew!  That took me by surprise.  I don't remember how the others felt, but I sure remember how I felt!  I felt upset and yet proud.  Proud.  Proud that my mother was so proud.

She taught us to never expect or even desire anyone to give us anything, but to do it ourselves!  Mama passed that pride right down to us four kids and we never forgot it.  We are..or were (two of us have passed away) extremely proud people.

However, I have learned some things about pride in all of these years.  I've learned that 'pride goes before the fall'.  I've learned that pride is something that God abhors.  We shouldn't be so proud that we think we don't need anyone, especially God.  Mama came to learn that she needed God.  We both accepted Christ on the same day at the same time.  She never, however, was comfortable with needing people.  She was fiercely independent and it was difficult to see her become a bit dependent when she developed dementia.  I know that it was hard for her to live away from home, not be able to drive, and depend on people to bring her what she wanted.  I tried to make it as easy as possible and give her some say in what happened, bring her shopping from time to time.  But, it was difficult.

Being proud....what's the good and what's the bad?  False pride is thinking you know it all and have it all and don't need anybody.  However, pride in oneself is necessary to a degree, don't you think?  People might say about a person, "He needs to take more pride in himself!"  Meaning, he has bad hygeine or doesn't dress appropriately, whatever.  And, yes, people do need to take care of themselves, to honor the person God created them to be.  Foolish pride is thinking you're 'all that and a bag o'chips'.  Or thinking you are self-sufficient...don't need anybody.

I'd say my Mama had a bit of both foolish pride and pride in herself.  I think we all do.  The key is not to let ourselves think that we have control over everything in life.  We NEED God.  Without Him we don't even have breath!! And, truth is, we need people.  We need love, comfort, fellowship, encouragement, exhortation, help.  We can get those things from God and people...but we really sometimes have to ask for them.  Foolish pride would stop one from asking for any kind of help.  Humility is a requirement.  Who likes being humble?  Well, Jesus who was King became servant.  That's humble.

God help us realize that we are only human, not superhuman.  As humbling as it is sometimes we need people.  Help us be kind to one another and help each other even before being asked to help.  And, if someone offers to help, make us willing to accept that as a gift from You.

Teach us about pride, Lord.  Only You speak complete truth, so let us hear it.  Please.

It's Constitution Day!

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Prayer request

Heavy on my heart tonight is someone who's struggling, a whole family who's struggling.  I met this lady through a friend.  She's struggling with her teenaged daughter who has BPD, Borderline Personality Disorder.  The 17 year old wrote this while in one of her  'flare ups', for lack of a better word.  There are better words, but I don't know them.  This dear mother is so concerned about her child and reading the words breaks my heart, too. Most people can't put into words what they're experiencing, but this young girl did it quite well, I think.   I'll post it here, I told the mom I wouldn't use their names.  I wonder, when you read it, can you feel her pain?  If you know anyone struggling like this girl, please pray for him/her. Mental illness has a whole stupid stigma attached to it.  Physical illness...fine.  Mental illness...bad.  What kind of double standard is that?  Mental illness can be treated, it takes therapy, it takes time, it takes medication, it takes God.  Just like physical illnesses.  Don't look down on people who have a mental illness.  Help them.  Love them just like you would someone with cancer.  Please?
Her words:

So...the darkness pulls at me. And it pulls me up, but down. I guess they'd call it mental illness. But the truth is its my world. Maybe it will change when I go. But for now its what circles me. And entrances me. The sick hold it has on me writhes in me and changes me. I'm everchanging with the flow of life. Not flow. Rather, a twisting, speeding, rough and confusing ride. I hope but, sometimes I don't. I like it...it's my sick way. I feel so deeply and how can one feel deeply without the dark pulling at you pushing you under til your near dead...or pulling you up to ecstasy. Circling like gray black gravity. So i dream in black and white. And what does it matter. It is beautiful. It is light in a tunnel to feel so strongly and sleep so soundly. I am afraid but the fear numbs under its glowing pulse. The glowing pulsing dark. I don't know if this is how i am or if its this moment. Every minute feels like eternity...Ever lasting pain. But i cut; the pain is mine. I doubt anyone could ever know the truth. The hold it has on me. My friendly dope; my friendly blackness. I sweetly lay with it at night. I sweetly push it away when is clings to me. Thats the pills job. To push and pull me like my hard deep meanings and tears. I tumble and sweat. Hopefully I smile beyond this. But I like the aloneness and hate the aloneness of this back breaking burden. Kills me softly and interminably. I truly am so volatile. My head in so many worlds its inconcievable. My head in so many mentalities i should say. I get scared wondering who I will be in the next moment. What I will believe when I change into her or her or her. Help I try to say but my darkness dries the words from my mouth with a scorching heat.

Good grief! Bad grief!

It's not just death that people grieve, it's divorce, betrayal, absentee father or mother, broken relationships, lost hope, lost jobs, lost homes, friends moving away.   We humans have a lot to deal with.  I'm thankful, so thankful that God doesn't leave us no matter what we do or say!!!  Thank you God!

 Everybody goes through grief in their own way.  You can't judge someone because you think their grief is taking too long or you think they didn't grieve enough.  It's an individual thing and it comes in stages...and it comes in surprising moments of time when you don't expect it.

Can you think of what you've lost in the past year, two years, five years, ten years?  Sure, we all can.  We won't all deal with that loss in the same way.  Some of us push it way down and try to never think of it again, some of us can just chalk it up to life and get on with it!, some of us dwell on it and are depressed, some of us turn inward and shut people out so that we're not hurt again, and sometimes we do all of those things in stages.  At least that's my observation.

It's uncomfortable for a lot of people, especially men(IMHO), to talk about suffering and sadness or to see someone cry.  So a lot of times when we bare our souls or shed our tears and tell our stories, people back off.  They either don't understand because it's not something they've experienced or they don't know what to say.  Then you can feel more isolated. You can become bitter.

I've watched some of my friends with their losses and grief.  Some close and some from afar.  We're all so different.  A former co-worker lost her husband this year in an accident.  I see her from afar and I see her carrying on with life and work with such strength!! She's a Christian.  She's a strong woman!  I know she's sad and finding her way through the newness of her situation, but she shows such resolve to get on with things and live!  I admire that.

A friend lost her father not long ago, I saw her close up.  I saw her tears, cried with her, held her, loved her through it.  It's been hard for her, but she has carried on.  I see a little bit of bitterness and anger, but I also see wounds and hurt.  She'll be okay, she came from good stock.  I admire her for doing the very best she can in a tough situation.

I've watched a mother who lost her daughter this year and another who lost her young son.  Another precious missionary couple lost their son several years ago, and still another lost their young daughter!  I can't comprehend it!! I can't fathom what they're dealing with and God forgive me, I pray I never do!!  How can anyone deal with that?!  The crushing pain, the horrible emptiness, the guilt that seems to come with parenthood!  I've watched the complete agony in their sobs, in their eyes.  Oh, Lord. Those moms and dads I mentioned are carrying on through their continued grief.  They've found the strength to keep going and to do it with grace and to do it well.  I admire them so much.

I've watched parents whose child has had a serious, near death experience this year.  I've watched their love and faith, I've seen peace in their eyes even when it's mixed with concern.  I've seen them hold steady in the face of staggering physical and emotional trauma to their child.  I admire them.


God Himself knows our pain.  He knew the pain that He, in the form of Christ, would suffer, the sin He would carry for us...but also that He would rise again. And, I'm so thankful He did!  God knows that each of us will rise again one way or another.  {It must be agonizing for Him to know that some will choose to be separated from Him forever} He welcomes His children home and wants to encourage us that they are okay! He has them now.  He feels our pain no matter to what our grief is due, death, lonliness, separation, whatever!  He feels the pain of those mothers and fathers who lose a child. He counts our tears, dries our eyes, has His hand gently at our back encouraging us along.  We can run to Him and cry.  Sometimes we long for a human to understand!!! To tell us what to do!! To guide us to the next step! Come on! HELP ME!   But, the best they can do, the very best they can do is cry with us, love us, pray for us, encourage us.  They can't fix it, they can't carry us through it, but God can.

As I continue in this year of grief after the loss of my last sister, I have moments like everyone else.  I'm not as strong as some, yet stronger than others I suppose.  But, I'm hanging on, doing my best and when I can pray.....there are sometimes I can't, but God knows what my heart cries for....I find peace.  It can be easy to get lost in the quagmire of grief and push everyone away because you don't want to be left again.  Strange paradox, that. An unhealthy one.

So, let's pray for each other.  Pray for those who are going through their grief now and for those who will go through grief in the future, because all humans face it one way or another.  Pray that we become good examples of the love and strength of God to those who have no hope of seeing their loved ones in the future.  Pray that we remember that we have hope and all is not lost!  Pray that we see the good in every day and enjoy the people who are still here.  Pray that we forgive each other when we fail and love each other in our weaknesses.  Let's be kind to each other and when we mess up and act in an unkind way, let's ask forgiveness and give forgiveness and get on with life!

Live, love, breathe, keep going, laugh, carry on.  Live long and prosper. :)
Be blessed!

Apple Praline Bread recipe from Kim's Healthy Friends Facebook page

Nothing like bread...especially Apple bread...baking in the oven on a winters day. The house smells wonderful! And this bread is to die for!

SHARE THIS TO KEEP IT!! It is a KEEPER!!!! So tasty!

Apple Praline Bread

Ingredients:
1 cup sour cream
1 cup brown sugar
2 eggs
2 tsp vanilla
2 cups flour
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1 1/2 cups Granny Smith apples, peeled and finely chopped
1 cup nuts (walnut or pecan or a combo), divided

For the praline sauce:
¼ cup brown sugar and ¼ cup butter

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Lightly grease a 9 x 5 x 3 inch loaf pan. Set aside. (I used stoneware loaf pan for perfect cooking)

Using an electric mixer, beat together the sour cream, sugar, eggs and vanilla on low speed for a couple of minutes until well blended. Stop the mixer and then add in the flour, leavening agents and salt. Continue to beat on low until well combined.

Fold in the apples and half the nuts into the batter. Transfer the batter into the greased loaf pan.
Sprinkle the rest of the nuts on top and then press them lightly into the batter. Bake for about 60 minutes or until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean.

Cool in the loaf pan for about 20-30 minutes and then transfer to a wire rack to cool completely. So it doesn't get too dark, I suggest using a light colored loaf pan.

For the praline sauce:

In a small sauce pan, place the butter and brown sugar. Using medium heat, bring to a boil. Lower the heat and then simmer lightly for about one minute, stirring constantly until the sauce thickens. Remove from heat and then drizzle over the bread. Cool completely.


https://www.facebook.com/groups/KimsHealthyFriends/

Time is a strange thing.

It's amazing to think that kids who are in 7th and maybe 8th grade now weren't even born yet when Al Qaeda attacked us on 9-11-2001.  It seems impossible.

Someday when they learn about it(they will, won't they??), they'll think you are REALLY OLD because you remember it well!  : ) 

That's the reaction I get from younger folks when I talk about integration, the race riots and assassinations of the 1960's, and the Vietnam war and POW's, the first time man walked on the moon! 'Wow, you remember that?' Yeah.  And, I remember when there were no cell phones, when I learned computer programming on a computer that filled a whole room!, black and white TV's, having to get up and change channels!  yeah, I remember a lot of things. :)  But, it wasn't so long ago...

 Time is weird in that a day can seem so long, but a lifetime can go by so quickly!

Girl just wants to have fun.

Well, I'm awake again tonight when I'd rather be sleeping.  Reflux is the culprit this time.  Went to bed early at 9:30, woke up with reflux at 10:30, so here I am again.  Thinking.  Writing.  I've been told I think too much.  I do.  It kind of runs in my family!  But, I do think too much, don't know how to stop thinking except to be a drunk or a druggie and those aren't options for me.  Addiction reared it's ugly head in my father's life and has affected the rest of us for all of these years.  Nope, not for me.  But, I do have my issues...as you have well seen if you've read any of my posts!  The 'issue' I'm focused on tonight in my sleepless state is that I don't know how to have fun!  Well..there are times when I have fun, that's true, and I'm so thankful for those times....like when I'm watching my kids or grandkids play or tease each other, or when I used to have game nights with my friends.  I've had lots of fun at times.  But, here's what I'm thinking about tonight, it's the times when I SHOULD be having fun and enjoying things, that I feel most stressed!  Let me give you an example:
Thanksgiving!  I LOVE that holiday, but it is one of the most stressful days of the year and I don't want it to be!  If I'm cooking, I want everything to go well, I want the food to all be ready at the same time and hot at the same time and everyone at the table at the same time.  I have let the lack of any one of those components ruin the entire day!  That's foolish!  I should be enjoying the comeraderie, the family!  But, I can't seem to! My mind can only focus on one thing at a time.  Urg, I hate that!

I think the old TV show, Leave It To Beaver, really messed me up!!  I thought that's how a "real" family acted.  I thought everything should be perfect like that show portrayed!  No one got terribly upset, the mommy always was dressed up, even with pearls, while she cooked and cleaned the house,  there was a calm, cool dad always around.  When my childhood wasn't like that ...at all.  And, then when my own house full of kids and a husband working three jobs, didn't portray that perfection...well, I felt like a failure!  I was 'responsible' for the perfection and couldn't pull it off! I thought life SHOULD all be happiness and peace, joy and contentment, the bills all paid, food on the table, the house spotless, the kids perfectly clean and perfect little angels, never a quarrel.  I fell victim to that false reality and blamed myself for being such an awful housekeeper and mother.  I should have been perfect like June Cleaver!  Well, that was foolish.

I wish we'd had Everybody Loves Raymond back then or The Middle. :)  They're a little bit more realistic.....but, then you do have the Osbornes(sp?) or the Kardashians!  Sheesh!  No, I don't watch those and don't want to model my life after them!  I'd LOVE to be the Psalms 31 woman, but I'm not her either.  I feel responsible for everyone being okay and everyone having fun, and everything being perfect.  It's tiring, foolish, and a waste of energy!  I'm just me, a perfect mess. Thank God that He loves messes! But, I would like to start easing up and learn how to have fun again.  As a child, I LOVED to have fun and laugh, run and play!

NOW, back to what I'm thinking about tonight: the cruise Mark and I are taking for our anniversary.  I'm afraid I'll ruin it!!  Want to know how??  By hurrying and thinking I need to be DOING something every minute!  "Mark, we have to hurry, we're going to miss the performance!"  "Mark, we need to move it if we're going to get to the restaurant in time!"  "Mark, look at that whole family having so much fun!Wish ours were all here and could have so much fun with us!"   "Mark, I look awful! I'm too fat! Aren't you ashamed to be seen with me?"  "I can't get into the pool looking like this!"   Get the picture?  UGH! I don't want to do that!  I vow NOT to do that!  This requires a full turn around from my stressful thoughts.  My stress usually comes from negative thinking and from that overwhelming sense of responsibility. With God's help, I can begin new thought patterns, even at my age.  I can let go of the feeling that I have to (or even can) control everything.

Our cruise ship: The Allure of The Seas

So, I'm up tonight praying that I let all of the stress, the burden of being 'responsible', go and relax with my husband, going at OUR pace, and having fun together....not worrying what anyone else is doing or how quickly or beautifully they're doing it. :)  We deserve, especially my hard-working husband deserves, to relax and enjoy our first cruise, to be at peace, to have fun, to eat, and to be free for one full week to do whatever we want to do, to enjoy celebrating our 40 years together.  I will start it with a smile, I'll carry that smile through our activities, and I'll end it with a smile.  I will have fun.  And, if I'm having fun, Mark will, too.

Lord, thank You for your mercy and goodness to us and for this opportunity to go on a cruise for the first time in our lives.  Help us to be good examples of your grace and love and to be at peace, enjoying the lives you've given us. Please help us to make the most of the years, days, and moments we have left on this earth.  Thank you for blessing our babies so much!  We love and appreciate You!

Fun in 'The Village'

Updated a lot! Used to have flat roofs, red brick, no porches

I had a good childhood, all in all.  Mama, my brother, two sisters and I lived in Baton Rouge for much of my childhood.  We lived in a place we all called 'The Village'.  It was government subsidized housing, all duplexes.  Each section had a long sidewalk with six sets of duplexes, three sets on each side of the long sidewalk...then shorter sidewalks to each set of duplexes.  My friend, Little Judy, lived in the duplex next to ours.  She was called Little Judy because my sister was also named Judy and was older than the other Judy.  Little Judy didn't have a very good home life from what I can remember, but she was a really good friend.

I am the youngest of four children so while my brother and sisters were off playing softball at the playground or chasing members of the opposite sex, I was playing with my babydolls and paper dolls.  One year for Christmas I got little boxes of real, dry baby cereal to feed to my dolly!  Little Judy and I sat in the shade of the duplex(it's HOT in Louisiana in the summertime..and sometimes at Christmas time, too!) mixed up that cereal with water and made a grand attempt to feed our dollies.  We had a wonderful, messy time!

Our duplex was right next to a wooded area so some of us younger kids would go out under the cool trees and make houses out of the leaves.  We'd push together the leaves in thick lines that would be the outline of the walls of our various rooms of the house.  No leaves meant that was a doorway. :)  We had so much fun doing that!  Right next to our little shady play area, our neighbor's brother, kind of a strange, skinny guy who never talked to anybody, had a peanut roaster.  It was a round, barrel like gadget with holes all in it and a handle on the side.  It was over a fire or burner of some kind(I don't remember) and he would turn the handle so the peanuts wouldn't burn. Now that was one yummy aroma - fresh roasted peanuts! Makes my stomach growl thinking about it.  I think he charged 5 cents a bag, but I'm not sure that's right. We bought a bag or two through the years.

There was a tether ball pole set up on the long side walk and we spent hours there trying to beat each other.  My brother and sisters liked playing that with me because they could hit it over my head. :/   Jackwagons.  One of my most favorite activities was playing on the swingset!  Our duplex backed up to the playground and these swingsets were awesome!  They were super tall metal sets with the best swings in the world!  The chains were strong and long and the seats seemed so wide to me then....not so much now, I'm sure!   In Louisiana the grass grows thick and green, no need for fertilizer.  It's everywhere!  Except under our swings.  If I were a painter, I'd paint that little oval patch of dirt under my feet when I sat on my swing.  If I/we hadn't swung on it so much, the grass would have just grown right over it and covered it up!  But, we used that swing everyday as often as possible.  So peaceful, going back and forth as high as I could go, with the wind brushing my blonde curls off my face.  I felt so free in that swing!  Loved it.  Still love to swing if I can find one with a big enough seat!

Another fond memory I have of my rascally siblings is when I received a new bicycle for Christmas.  This one was a big one with no training wheels on it.  I felt so afraid up there!  I was probably seven years old, my sibs were probably 14, 15, and 17 years old.  So they were "kind" enough to teach me how to ride the bike.  They propped me up on it and told me to pedal as they pushed me.  Once I got pedaling good, they let go.  I did pretty well, pedaling around in circles in the grass.  But, after about 15 circles, I was done, ready to get off the big bike.  So, I said, "How do I stop?"  To which they replied....oh, that's right, they didn't reply!  They just giggled and laughed.  They laughed.  I'm going round and round in circles, feeling like my legs are gonna fall off and they laugh!  Not one of them would tell me how to stop that stupid bicycle!  But, I did figure it out for myself....all you have to do is fall over. :/  Yep, jackwagons.  I'm so glad I gave them so much joy that day. NOT.  LOL

They were rotten, but they were also good to me and loved their baby sister...for the most part.  They read my books to me so often that I had them memorized.  I'd just turn the pages and say the words.  They taught me to put on plays for our mama.  Cheap entertainment and so much fun.  We had shaving cream fights and water melon rind fights and water hose fights and gum ball fights.  Not the gum you chew, but the seed pods that grew off what we called gum ball trees....they are round, bumpy, and stickery.  Ouch! They hurt when thrown at you!

We would always tell the story of how Mr. Fluff, Phyllis's persian cat, went through the window fan when it was running and didn't even get hurt!!  We'd also all get scared at night if we watched an episode of Twilight Zone, I think I was about 11 when we got our first TV, black and white!  Before that we'd all go down to Ms. Stevie's house and watch her TV.   Back to the Twilight Zone,  First Judy would start screaming, then Phyllis, then me! I didn't know what we were screaming about, but it was scary!  Mama finally put a stop to the Twilight Zone, she couldn't take the midnight excitement!

I have to tell you about another funny time with our mother.  Actually, all of the older ones had grown and moved out.  Mama and I had moved out of the Village by then and lived in a one bedroom cement block house.  Mama was getting ready for work one morning and was really tired.  She got dressed, fixed her face and brushed her hair.  Then she closed her eyes for the hairspray she always used.  When she opened her eyes, she was shocked and appalled to find that her entire hairdo was covered in a thick layer of white foam!! HAHA!! When she closed her eyes, she had picked up the can of Dow bathroom cleaner instead of hairspray!!! HAHA!! I'll never, ever forget that!  Bless her heart, she had to rinse it out the best she could and get a run on to catch the bus! She came out of there with stringy, wet hair and I KNOW she didn't like that!  Mama never left the house without looking her best.   That was a day she laughed about often, too.  :)  The good old days.

What fun it is to visit those days, good memories are a blessing! Thank you, Lord.

I'm a human, I'm your mother.

I'm a mom
but I'm just human.
Don't put me
on a pedastal.

I'm just a person
who's lived longer than you
but who has struggled with life's
temptations.


I'm a baby in her mother's arms,
I'm a curly haired blonde, five years old,
who makes mud pies. plays in the rain,
loves paper dolls and my mommy's hugs.
I'm a daughter. I'm a sister. I'm a sister. I'm a sister.


I'm a teenager with horrible acne and tears of
pain when they call me names. I'm growing up.
I have to shave my legs, and I hate my hair!
I'm a struggling teenager. I'm a daughter.

I'm a young woman who has fallen in love,
who got pregnant with the wrong man.
I'm a human, I messed up.

I'm a young mother with a child, on my own.
Oh I love her, Yes I love her,
I would easily give my life for her,
but I'm ashamed of myself and broken hearted
I feel my future's over. I'm a mother. I'm a human.
 
I'm a young woman who has fallen in love!
This man is so good, he loves me so much!
I'm a young woman in love!  I'm a wife! I'm his wife!!
I'm a step-mother.

Oh my. His ex-wife.  Oh dear, his daughter's so hurt.
Oh my, I'm a human. I don't know what to do.

But, I'm a wife, I'm a wife! I'm a human. I'm loved!
I'm a young mother with another on the way,
then another, then another!
I'm a young mother of four. Oh my, a mother of four.
Life is complete with my fourth in our home. Ah. Life's complete.

But, I'm a mother, I'm a mother!
Oh, God, I'm a mother!  How do I do it, Lord?
Oh, Lord, this is so hard!
I'm a wife, I'm a mother,
I'm a full time mother.

Diapers, noses, breakfast, lunch, dinner,
bills, spats, feuds, diarhhea, puking, fussing,
bedtime, breakfast again. and again. and again.
Good times, good times, good times, bad.
Bad times, good times, bad times, sad.

It's life, it's ups, it's downs, it's life!
I'm glad, I'm mad, I'm sad, I'm tired.
I'm tired!
I love, I live, I long, I lose it,
I'm human.  Just human.  That's all I am. Just human.

I'm a mother! I'm a mother! They're grown.
They're gone.  I'm sad. I'm lonely.  I miss them.
I'm sad. I'm just human.

I'm a grandma!!!!! I'm a grandmaa!! OH, Lord! I'm a grandma!
Again, and again, and again and again!  Oh thank God, I'm
a grandma, I'm in love! I'm in love! Oh the joy, I'm in love!
Look at them, sweet as candy! Cute as buttons!  Such a handful!
My kids are grown! They work, they live, they have lives of their own.
I'm their mother.

I'm old, I'm old...oh Lord, I'm old.
I'm a human, I grow older, I can't stop it, I grow older.
I'm a wife, I'm a wife, with a husband who's grown older.
I'm his wife, his loving wife.  Lord don't take him. I can't bear it.
Give me years, many more years, to love him more and more.
I have time now, I can show him, that I love him, even more.

I'm a human, growing older, growing wiser, growing slower.
I'm a human, it's the cycle, please remember, it's the cycle.
When I leave you, please remember, I tried my hardest to be the best.
I'm just human, I may have failed you, but I tried to do much better.
Please remember, I'm so proud of ,the way you grew up, the life you're living.
Don't forget me, I'm your mother, and I love you, now and forever.

Four Blood Moons

These coming four blood moons in 2014 and 2015 are very interesting in their timing.
Copy and paste the following url addresses and you can read about them yourself.  Let me know what you think.  I think Jesus is coming soon!

There's a very interesting and compelling article at this link:

http://www.pray4zion.org/TheComingBloodMoons.html

Also John Hagee has a book coming out in October:

http://www.jhm.org/Catalog/Product/1244/The%20Coming%20Four%20Blood%20Moons%20Part%201#.Uh6-ggktKRs.blogger

Pot pie

 This was last night's supper...and will be tonight's supper, too.  It has a rustic crust as you can see.  The filling started out with a pork loin roast that I brined and slow cooked in my crock pot a few days ago.  The brine with molasses, salt and water...as well, as the seasoning rub I used after the brine is from a recipe by Alton Brown, Food Network Star.  (I always want to say Alton John...lol)  I will add the recipe for you.  I didn't use a smoker, just the crockpot.  However I did use Smoky Paprika which added a little of that smoked flavor.

Here's where you can find Alton's Recipe:

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/alton-brown/pulled-pork-recipe/index.html

It's easy to follow.  I didn't have Boston Butt so I used this huge pork loin.  It turned out so tender, just falling apart.  And the sauce in the crockpot was delicious! 
So for the pot pie, I chopped an onion and two potatoes and cooked them in a pan with about a tablespoon or two of olive oil.  I added some of the pork loin that was left over...probably about 3 cups.. and shredded carrot and English peas.  When the potatoes were tender, I put the whole mixture into a homemade unbaked pie shell and covered it with another.  Baked it at 350 until the crust was golden brown.  Oh, and I brushed beaten egg on top before I put it in the oven.  It made a huge pie, so we've had it again tonight..there's still some left! May have to freeze it.  This big pork loin has mad six meals for me and Mark! Yummy ones, too.

I'll definitely use Alton's recipe again.  The fennel seeds add such a special flavor to the meat.

Bon Apetit!

Fly

{I must say here that I know I'm not a poet, as you can easily see!  Not sure why my words are coming out this way.  Maybe our friend, Ricky L, inspired it!  He wrote a beautiful poem recently. Hmm..if that's the reason, then this phase will pass soon enough!!}}

Fly

Spread your wings and fly
Freely soaring through the sky
See how small the city is
Feel the lightness in your being

Troubles are so far away
Things that weighed you down today
Far behind you've left them now
You feel you're more alive somehow

Why should you sit in that old tree
Fretting o'er what used to be?
Leave it all behind, my friend
Get up, get out, old things must end!

You're not a hen destined to brood
in that old coop your whole life through
You're light and free, destined to be
above the fray where you can see

That life is more than pretty baubles
It's more than strife and petty squabbles
Life is meant to be fulfilling
God, in Spirit, you indwelling.

Freedom from the dark and dreary
Freedom from evil and fearing
You're FREE, you're FREE, you're FREE at last!
Soak up the sun, throw down that mask!

You are made so gloriously!
Your beauty truly Heaven sent
You're made in His own image, child
In your mother's womb alive

He knit you there and all will see
Not an accident, you were meant to be!
Free and happy, fulfilled, at peace,
His hands are holding you and me.

Fly high, fly far, fly free and see
All that God wants you to be.
Let go, feel the breeze, see the clouds
catch the wind
and fly.

There are times....

There are times when my flaws and mistakes haunt me.  There are times when someone's words cut so deep that they temporarily cripple me.  When I feel like a failure and that God can't love me, I remember His words.  His mercies are new every morning, He's slow to anger, full of love and He cannot lie.  He's not mad at me.  He wants me to talk to Him about everything.  He knows it anyway, but it is I who needs to talk to Him!  Prayer is for my good.  I wonder why it is so hard sometimes to go to Him.....when the answer and the peace is always in His presence.  Foolish human, I am.

Sometimes we think we don't need Him because everything seems to be going fine.  But, the truth is that we may need Him most at that time.  It's easy to think we are self-sufficient when the bills are paid and everyone is healthy and happy.  But, truly, those are the times we need to be seeking Him and thanking Him for all that we have. Pride goes before the fall!  Without Him we could do nothing, not even breathe.  We need to stay strong in faith and close to God so that when the hard times come, as they tend to do, we will be ready for them.  Peace is knowing that in good times or 'bad', we will be okay because none of it surprises God and none of it is too big for Him to handle.

The joy of the Lord is our strength!  No matter our circumstances, we can have a glad heart!

Is IS a good day to be happy!  Just do it. :)

Sweet memories

I'm just sitting here before bed thinking about our kids and remembering some of their cuteness.  We have the cutest kids on Earth, I promise! ;)  I know you disagree and your kids are the cutest!  But, I'm the one writing this so I'm gonna go ahead and say MINE are! LOL
Anyway, I thought I'd jot down some of our sweet memories while I can still remember them..I'm sure more will pop in my mind at a later date.

One I remember was when I took our four kids to the Cleveland Zoo one day.  It was one of our favorite places to go.  Mr. Man worked three jobs to keep us fed back in the 70's during the depression/recession, whatever it was.  So, I had to try to entertain the kids by myself.  The Cleveland Zoo was free at that time, and may still be,  and was huge and wonderful. Such a blessing!  Well, on one of our trips to the monkey area, Katie looked up at a monkey...I can't remember if it was a chimpanzee or another kind, she looked up at a money sitting on a log and said, "Mommy, look at that one-eyed monkey!!!"    I looked up, but the monkey was facing away from us.............then it dawned on me that our little girl must need glasses because what she saw was the monkey's bottom. :))    Nope, that round thing she saw wasn't his eye! HAHA!   During the same visit she said, "Look at the monkey with the bubble gum on his butt!"   That was one of those red-behind monkeys, can't remember it's name.  :)      

Our son, Mark, accidentally told on himself one time when he was a teenager.  I can't remember the reason, but one of the four had done something and I needed to question them so I called them all inside.  I must have looked angry because the first thing he said to me was, "I know what you're thinking!"  Surprised, I said, "What??"  He said, "You're thinking those are my cigarettes in the shed!"  : )  I had no idea there WERE cigarettes in the shed.  I'm not sure I ever found out who they belonged to, but I had a pretty good idea. LOL

Matt was an artist at a very young age.  In fact, he often painted his crib...with whatever he found in his diaper. :(   Finally, after several deep cleanings of his crib, the wall near his crib, and him, I decided I couldn't clean that up one more time!  We threw the crib out.  Amazingly, his crib art was not carried over to toddler bed art!  He never painted with that particular medium again, which made this mommy very happy.

When Andy was about 4 years old and Matthew was about 5 1/2, they decided to prank call 911.  We had taught them how to dial 911 for an emergency.  Andy, however, couldn't say his 'f's'.  Instead of saying 'f', he said 't'...as in 'tace' for 'face,  'tine' for 'fine'.  So, Matthew, dialed 911 and Andy yelled into the phone, "TIRE, TIRE, TIRE!"  : )   Then they told us about it because they were so proud of themselves. LOL  Thankfully, or maybe not, 911 wasn't as sophisticated as it is now....they couldn't see our phone number or address automatically so noone showed up to put out the tire! LOL

Austin, once said his belly hurt so bad that he got in the beetle position.  'Beetle position', we asked?  "Yeah, you now where you curl up like a beetle".  :))

Just a few memories to close this night out with.  They probably won't interest you, but they made me smile! :)

40th Anniversary decision

http://sitwithmeundermymagnoliatree.blogspot.com/

Mr. Man and I will be celebrating our 40th wedding anniversary next month.  For months we've been thinking about how we should celebrate.  After all, forty years is a long time not to kill somebody! :)
And, you know it's true! Don't give me that shocked look.  Every wife and every husband has thought at least once, I am going to kill that man/woman! ;)   Knowing you never would, but MAN they can drive you NUTS!
SO, having not killed each other in 40 years, we figure we should celebrate!! We are hoping and praying for 50....and it's doubtful we'll kill each other from here on out, we're just too old to care and too old to run.   If another woman wanted him, she could have him, he's all used up, I've had the best years of his life....she can have the ailments and alzheimers years! LOL  I'm just kidding, of course!  I can't imagine my life without that man.  I really can't.

  And, nowadays, old age is making our lives a little easier.  We're both a little forgetful, which amazingly stops a lot of arguments!  If we disagree about whether one of us told the other something, there's no argument.  Because I may NOT have told him what I THOUGHT I told him or he may not REMEMBER what I told him. and vice versa.  We both know we're forgetful, so...  Nothing to fight about.  I'm not saying we don't aggravate each other every now and then, but we get along well, know each other, love each other, are best friends.  Aw, aren't we sweet? Haha.

BACK to the anniversary celebration.  We thought of so many places,(Niagara Falls, California, Hawaii, Utah, the Grand Canyon) but like most people these days, we have limited funds.  Actually, we could use these funds for working on the house or paying off a bill.  But, we are throwing caution to the wind and using it for....a.....CRUISE!  We've never been on one before and are SO excited and nervous!!  We're going on a seven day cruise to the Caribbean.  How exciting!!  We did spring for a cabin with a balcony so I wouldn't feel too claustrophic.  We've been looking online at the cabins and realize it's still going to be quite tight in the room, but at least we can get out in the fress air on the balcony!  The travel guide at vacationstogo.com was so kind to help us out and put us on the port side with the ocean view balcony so that we can see the ports as we pull in to them. :)  Have I mentioned that we're excited??

So, this is a cruise on a shoestring budget!  There are two formal dinner nights on this cruise...and I had no formal wear.  A friend told me about a thrift store in town that has formals from time to time.  I went yesterday and found a beautiful royal blue formal dress that fit ME and it was $14.99!!  Can you believe it??  And I bought a cute orange leather Preston and York purse for $8.99.  No, the purse isn't for the dress. :)

Now, I'm looking for earrings and shoes to go with the dress and for things like binoculars, backpack, etc..  A few light weight blouses for me and shirts for Mr. Man.  I'm being frugal because there are plenty of extra expenses on a cruise, I see!  The excursions alone can be in the thousands!!  I chose one excursion at each port with a total of around $400.  And, those are the cheap excursions.  But, the entertainment onboard the ship is free and I've got all of those booked, the food is free unless we eat in one of the restaurants that isn't part of the plan.  We won't.

All we want is to make it about US and our love for each other.  I want Mark to have a wonderful time.  He works so hard and is so ready to retire, but can't for a few years.  So, if he gets rested on this trip, feels loved and encouraged, then it will be worth every penny.

Because when it comes down to it, the kids grow up and get on with their lives...as they should!...and our parents have all gone to be with Jesus....friends have their own lives to live..so it's really all about the two of us now.  And we need to make it the best it can be!  We thank God for our marriage(and for not killing each other years ago!!)
Blessings!